And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
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Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
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He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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