This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
