i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
