Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I accidentally burped into my bong.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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