Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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