i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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