I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
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