Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
