Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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