Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
