just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
