Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My Higher Power is John Stamos
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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