Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You made out with two different species that night
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Randomize
