I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I wear drunk well.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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