My first STD was from a foam party
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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