You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
