i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Randomize
