Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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