Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
This is the high leading the old right now
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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