I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
