Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
