I am in a vortex of obligation.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
