the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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