god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
