i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
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Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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