boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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