I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
