I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
