And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
