Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
