ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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