This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Randomize
