Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
