I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
