Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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