My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
