yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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