Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
