Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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