i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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