You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
