I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
