i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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