Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
