Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
did i just pee glitter
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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