Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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