I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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