Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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