Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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