I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
