The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
