I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
