I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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