She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
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