my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
