I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
