My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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