he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
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