he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
you inspire me to be a worse person
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
