your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
