She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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