I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
