You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
