So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
