Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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