Soap is not a condiment
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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