you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
