dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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