Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
