why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
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