soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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